Yeah, “qui s’excusse” was provoked by you, not pointed at you, b/c I can’t deny your experience, maybe you use the idea internally in a good way, although I know that this construct really hurts when you try to self expose and the world pushes the knives deeper.

I mean, think about it, it is so easy to dismiss explanation for apology! And even if I apologize, why should I be accused, who is the righteous that picks up the stone? In my opinion this is a rhetoric technique that works to dismantle a good argument but to the defeat of the overall benefit to participants. I wouldn’t use it.

Even more, the root of the phrase is “excusatio non petita accusatio manifesta”, which has a very important part missing in french: an unwanted and unasked for excuse is an accusation, a fallacy even in this form, but, at least, makes more sense, although when you reply to an opinion posted online your explanation is requested as any public forum implies.

If i may, what other triggers? :D

;) yours,


Violet, Oh Violet chill, comprehension is based on experience not IQ nor knowledge :) And thanks for the kind vibes sent this way!


Alain de Botton is just great, I like him a lot (he is my age, how can I not), but lately he’s veering to kink a bit too much, BDMS and the sort (I hate that shit, they make everything so complicated when it already is complicated enough).

I have seen this idea a lot about BDSM. Yet, sub/dom dynamics is not an extra layer of complexity, but a focus on the same thing in any sexual dynamics, shedding other things and embracing a distilled version of the power exchange we all do, no matter our preferences.

Also, there isn’t such a thing as too much kink in general. Notice the italics, we all have our personal threshold, but overall the threshold doesn’t exist, or I guarantee you someone will be persecuted for existing. And that’s where Alain makes his mark, he is not promoting anything, nor pointing the right way, but simply explains a sugared version of things so we can grasp what makes us or others enjoy some particular types of kink. He didn’t even venture that far :)

I write so you feel like you’ve just had an idea. It’s a nice feeling.

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