Superb lucid thinking!
I wish Emma Lindsay that the world would be in such way that you’d require no such traumatic event to have this deep understanding. But your article is, in my view, golden. Not only because it is written in a tone of voice that imposes no superior attitude (something I have a hard time doing), but it is also swinging from theme to theme seamlessly, showing how interconnected problems are to one of the most basic things we have: our sexuality.
The starting theme about the wide acceptance of lesbianism puzzled me too for twenty years or so. No matter where you look, its all the same: look at Tantric texts and see how homosexuality is deeply despised and lesbianism encouraged and risen to ritual. Look at the Biblical texts, I bet there were women mating with women in Sodom and Gomorrah, but hey no word on those girls. Sure, no female deity … because religion is for men only. Which is another problem on its own.
And the replies are golden too, look at Elliot Nichols shouting the biggest problem: men are not taught to be desirable so we spend our life assuming women make a compromise settling on men. We are ugly because we are taught that we are ugly. True story. The common hot guys? OMG. Unreachable ideals, just like the female beauty standards.
Jack, maybe if Dustin is aware of his shortcomings his children will be better than him. But to ask one to make a sudden change in his fundamental ways of expression, is a form of dictatorship. All this talk about the right way to talk Emma Lindsay uses her own convictions all over this article Jack. Read it:
it’s assumed women don’t want to see sexualized men.
straight women learn that what they do doesn’t matter. Straight women suffer from an excessive focus on their beauty rather than their behavior, so it might not occur to them to tell a man how beautiful they find him, because they try to please men by “being” pleasing rather than “doing” pleasing things. Their own shame over never being beautiful enough prevents them from externalizing their inner world. Yet, I’m sure most women have rich inner worlds they keep hidden perhaps even from themselves.
See Jack Harrow, it is fucked up to pepper you writing with apologies and mentions and “my opinion” and “my experience”. We as readers need to be able to discern what influences us, and our perspectives about everybody else are just as valuable as our subjective experiences and personal convictions. Had this been a school manual, I’d have been completely on “your side” :D but we’re adults, right?
It is important to be aware of how individuals perceive the whole group they’re part of and censoring that will lead to even more deviation.
We need people like you Jack to point out our generalizations. The problem I saw was that later in the thread Dustin Briscoe tried to protect his ego but at the same time let you know he understands your point of view and did his best to let you know he didn’t mean no harm. Intent is still an aggravating factor in all trials Jack, cut people slack, life is short.
Edward L Platt is spot on about killing rape culture by acknowledging bilateral desire, but then, Edward, the other men’s intimidation is not their problem it’s their experience. If we tell men who are intimidated by sexually aware women that they have a problem, we’re creating a new broken social identity, which in time will byte us back.
Michael Tudda even read the WHOLE thing, imagine that. I then clearly say this must be a top story, if he read it whole. Sorry Michael, I just found your response hilarious.
Dave Williams hits the nail on the head about equality, even though we men do tend to suffer less from the problem of being objectified by women because we have dicks. If and only if the problem would be women rating men exclusively on dick’s properties, then we’d get the same kind and intensity of suffering as women get from our man type of rating system. (on which the broken idea of male gaze is based on).
sky2fall raises the problem of usefulness as sexual attractor which is perfectly normal, right? Being the linchpin of society will always make you more desirable, it is replacing beauty with usefulness that makes us men ugly apes looking for constant feedback, and yes Hugo Aguirre Herrainz the first step, in my opinion too, is exactly accepting that we men crave sexualization. I mean surely a lot of men feel a warm fuzzy feeling reading Hildegerd Haugen’s response:
I have always wanted men for their bodies. ;)
… but I wish I’d live in a world where the wink is not needed anymore :P, neither my tongue out.
All in all, this article touches so many subjects, including this, noted by Daan Spijer:
12 year olds don’t get hurt because of how pedophiles feel, they get hurt because of how pedophiles behave. So, feelings are never wrong. Only behaviors are wrong.
… except that if you have constant interaction with said 12 year old you will inadvertently send mixed signals to children who don’t yet know how to handle them, because we have behaviors we’re not aware of. So, the problem with pedophilia is much more complex, e.g. should even self aware pedophiles have children?
So, if you read this response first, go read the article, it is very, very good. I wish articles like this about sexuality would make it to top just as the ones about relationships do every week, because:
a relationship is the double helix of two sexualities