Look! Unicorns and rainbows! Fuck off.

I am sorry Dolly Parton, but I hate these shitty life affirming, positive and empowering bullshit phrases:

I hate them because they make things far worse than better.

The problem with the rainbow is that it is an illusion, a special effect. You cannot rip the rainbow from the sky and put it in a vase, you cannot snatch a rainbow and wear it around your neck at the diversity parade, what am I saying here, you can do just about nothing with it other than staring in awe at it.

Generally speaking, this whole staring in awe thing will not give one visceral satisfactions. And the thing is non visceral satisfaction is not memorable. On the other hand, the rain … The rain is cold, it is wet, it is plenty, it has side effects: makes the day darker, makes mud, increases humidity, creates the sudden need for accessories — covers, umbrellas — and the list can go on. You viscerally feel the rain and whatever you do you cannot ignore it. Even if you’re inside, you still hear it. The simple fact that we uncontrollably feel good when the sun is out after a rain says a lot about how we instinctively appreciate the light and how we instinctively don’t appreciate bad weather.

In life we get plenty of situations similar to the damn rainbow. People run bumping into each other chasing success, recognition or love, briefly running around trying to catch illusory images that cannot be perceived viscerally but only intellectually. This is the essence of that chronic unhappiness lived while hoarding hundred thousands, millions of money in the bank. From this chasing of rainbows you get those existential panic attacks lived next to your perfect soulmate with whom you’re raising two healthy children, in a perfect house with fresh bio vegetables for breakfast. Some people’s sadness and anger really makes no sense, but it is completely explainable.

For that soulmate and those perfect children, for the millions of money into a bank account, or many other similar things, many rains were borne with dignity. And some of those rains got you in your undies, others brought sleet along, many more had a dry and coarse wind coming, which of course was blowing in the opposite direction of your walking, while other rains made swamps hiding holes which broke your car. One of these rains was warm, and you ran barefoot though the water on the pavement. One, once, maybe. And after you’ve withstood so many rains, what did you get? A rainbow? With whom you do what? You stare at it, you admire the color depth, the length of the rays, you get annoyed because you can’t see it right because of some damn building or some industrial artifact blocking the view — and the you suddenly get a pain in the neck from looking up for so long. Done.

That’s about a good approximation of these types of happiness: “ideal family”, “ideal house”, “success”, “fame”, “prince charming” and so on. After going through a long string of physical experiences which get only worse and more complex, all you get is another experience but which is happening only in your head, in your drunk on waiting mind. Why do you think people crave social approval so much? To be able to finally physically experience their success: to have your friends tell you that your house is nice, to wonder affectionately about the harmony in your life and so forth. Because alone you can only feel the memories of the experience you kept on having — up until that point when the rainbow finally popped up.

I don’t know of any advice. The whole thing is not very optimistic, maybe, I don’t know, do the unthinkable and carefully watch The Wolf of Wall-Street by Scorsese or even read Jordan Belfort’s book and it might change for the better your opinion on rainbows after the rain.

love me I dare you

I write so you feel like you’ve just had an idea. It’s a nice feeling.

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