Did you mean this “men are lazy” only for other men? Or do you include yourself?
First, thanks a lot for your time and appreciation, I enjoy your responses as well :). Then all these other things below:
The self-blame made me sad though.
Nothing here is self blame. It is acknowledgement. Blame is a gun that fires guilt. I loathe guilt because it always makes people either fearful or proud. Acknowledgement is declaring what it is and this works as an ignition spark, and if there is any wick it will catch fire. Most of the times there is no wick, because in human development wicks are when we have that inner feeling that it could be better. Most people, women and men, don’t have this feeling about most things. But acknowledgement does work wonders when you spark your pebbles in the dark hoping for the best.
I live in a different country than you, and our men may be a little bit less “entitled” than you describe.
Quite possible, the differences in mentality between parts of the world are huge. It may be that in the US and many parts of Western Europe the manly entitlement is way lower than it was twenty years ago. Generations of teens are becoming adults and they do have a better set of perspectives. But once you take a peek over the fence in places where the patriarchy is not even contested, which is most of the world more than half of Europe, Russia, the middle east, all Africa, all South America, almost the entire Asia (even Japan has deep rooted issues with true equality), you see the stormy clouds of reverting all progress on a whim are getting quite close.
It’s going to take a lot of patience and gentleness to lead these men out of their hiding places, and calling them lazy, I fear, won’t do the job.
Well, I am one of those who are not weeping for what a man has been dealt with in a lifetime. Most men very much enjoy the status quo. You know, the important aspect is that until you see there is a problem, you cannot fix the problem. No name calling, no insult given, laziness is a behavior, not an attribute. In fact, you cannot “call” someone lazy unless you’re planning to be an ass, because being lazy is not like being fat or ugly or short or pale or skinny or smug or gross. Laziness is a cumulus of actions, decisions, attitudes and life choices and it is not bad per se.
Laziness is what made our species thrive. We consume a lot of energy in our head with all the processing going on, and we’re built to stay in power save mode for an infinite amount of time. We are designed to fatten indefinitely, all the way to not being able to move. This is no accident, and the burden civilization and abundance brought is that we need to monitor our default natural selves: don’t eat and be less lazy, because you are no longer fighting for survival the cold and the predators and effectively all the other humans. Not anymore. Around the world humanity is fed, not everywhere, but where it is, it is.
Therefore, acknowledging laziness is not name calling. It is not a pejorative term as all humans are lazy by nature, women and men. The problem is men cling to it as a default behavior and hide behind complex webs of justifications to avoid tackling the issue.
I think women (definitely including me) focus so much on their own expectations, on what they “deserve” from men, much to our own detriment. [..] We are not going to coerce and shame men into giving us what we want.
Yes, this is very much so, probably a whole separate subject on its own. Putting coercion in action will get you revolt as reaction, the army of men who simply repeat the stuff the hear from the likes of Milo and cannot explain how they reason said words, are an example of revolted men to societal pressure and coercion.
We can only start to heal their pain by accepting and loving them just as they are.
is a moot argument. It is not a woman’s job to heal any man. She should heal herself first and enjoy the ephemera of existence for as long as it is. No human is in debt to another and it is no one’s job description to take on other’s problems. Sure, love makes us enjoy fixing the ones we love. But this is not about love, this is about living together and moving beyond the shitty inherited mentalities that keep healthy crops of misogyny all around the world. In Eastern Europe, what I am most familiar with, there isn’t even a discussion about these things, men simply don’t even think any problem exists at all, and I am quite sure that the U.S. has a long way before covering that huge land mass with healthy mindsets.
Feminism means recognizing that we already have the upper hand in many ways, that we don’t need to coerce or lash out at men anymore, or try to protect ourselves by calling them perverts and monsters, or telling them more ways in which they are bad and wrong.
Well, feminism definitely does not mean that. That is a choice all women should make out of respect for themselves. Feminism means a philosophy of human progress turned political platform the moment it got intersectional. Feminism IS a philosophy. It is not a prescription for correct action, in an equal measure with say, objectivism or phenomenology or pragmatism. They all are facets of a huge thing: the sum of all human experiences.
Lashing out at men is an intellectual embarrassment made of the same stuff as the belittling of women. In fact, we do this in all binary relations in the entire gender spectrum. One half lashes at the other and in response it is belittled so that the lashing out looks irrational. This is normal.
I think the discussion is in broader terms. Women want men. One of the biggest myths men swallow is that half of this species is constantly seeking sexual opportunity, while the other half keeps plotting on how to divert such opportunity. That is a huge lie we still believe. Women want men just as much as men want women. Because of that, I find that, in general, women don’t really react to men disproportionately but, I would say, they let pass a lot of crappy behavior originating in that laziness. Eventually, as I’ve written, women give up. All this lashing out and calling men monsters and perverts is a rather slim section of women who are in the business of doing specifically that. It is a brand type of communication: raging feminist. Women in general are pretty OK considering what they get.
We are already solid in our feminine power. […] Men are already groveling at our feet, they are vulnerable, they are mostly alone, afraid, and deeply wounded.
Except for rape, body policing, pay gaps, objectification, lack of representation, forced societal roles, mothering expectations, unpaid chores and a whole life wasted in an attempt to have it all. These things are not feminist subjects. The moment you bring them up someone will yell or roll their eyes, but I have seen many fathers of girls stating loudly and proudly that women scantily clad are asking for it and that consent is an exaggerated idea and that there is no such thing as marital rape. And consider that, aside from my writing here, I do not engage in arguments, these things popped up randomly. So, I wouldn’t bask in men growling at women’s feet too soon.
I’ve heard feminists say “Men don’t deserve sex! They’re not entitled to it!”. Yes they fucking are!
Absolutely, so are women and precisely this makes no one entitled to sex as an act. You and I are entitled TO WANT sex not TO HAVE sex. The distinction is essential. As a side note, we should all want everything and start considering that the world owes us a good life, we’re all entitled to that too.
Women will never understand the deep dark loneliness of men.
Neither will men ever grasp the depth of the female sadness. Moot. Who cares? In general this doesn’t matter. Society is not made for individual peculiarity. As a human, you want your person to get you, not the whole world, unless you’re some self absorbed schmuck or bitch. Both women and men are prone to go there, in the schmuck or bitch land, and expect understanding and symbiosis with the whole world, failing to see they themselves are not even close to knowing who they are or what they want or not even what they need.
If we want attention, we simply walk outside, and men shower us with validation and recognition in the form of their bumbling doe-eyed stares. We are revered just for being alive and healthy.
is so flawed and so widely spread, from religion to science. First, sexual attention is a fleeting warm and fuzzy good vibe, which evaporates as soon as reality bites, for both men and women. But that is not even close to the depth of the rot in that argument. Second, men don’t take care of themselves, and the ones that do are also showered with languorous looks and flirting actions from women, and had women felt safer, men would have even more of it.
The world is split as we find it today because of the broken idea that males need to make meaning while females have built in meaning. The ability to birth a child and to unconditionally love a child are considered the built in meaning of women, and by empowering praises of the so called feminine miracle we kept the entire civilization in a moral stone age by tying females to a simple basic role of reproduction tools used by males.
Humans are meaning machines and the architects of our civilization used it against us to keep the world collectively edging towards a never achieved orgasm: the great meaning divide between males and females, where females supposedly already had it all going for themselves and males were dripping in existential angst. False and the post natal depression is the first argument. There is no default “better” built in being born a female, except getting sex easier which is not because females are sexy, but because men are poorly educated to give sex too easily: to score! When men will stop scoring this sexual potential abundance for women will end.
Men are not rapists indeed, but the reality is that most of us men fear the blue balls too much, and way too many of us fail to acknowledge that it is us who cause the blue balls not the woman. Misplaced anger turns any human into a raging chimp capable to ruin a lot around and including itself.
I guess what I’m saying is, I want to start a blow job charity. I’d like to make a dent in this cruelty problem, one safe non-emotional blow job at a time. Who’s with me?
Funny. But still, deep, because:
Patriarchy is built to enslave men by taking power away from women.
That is what every feminist should understand. The goal of the system is to keep men depleted of stamina, because they are conditioned to fight and stay tight, so that the illusory idea of power stays shut in, without a drop dripping to these unworthy females. Men have been holding their breath for ten thousand years, our eyes are popping out and our faces are blue, yet we worry still about our balls.
If you ask, all men want a blow job charity, had it exist ad literam, which it does but we’re too prude to look at it so we call it metaphors, it would only make paid blow jobs cheaper and yet more women will get the short stick.
Patriarchy is an awesome trick and it is why sex work is so poorly accepted and fought so harshly whenever laws that enable it are proposed. A charity blow job giving organization won’t help. Buying blow jobs does help. It is so because masculinity doesn’t seek charity which is stagnation, but instead it seeks expansion, creation and destruction.
OMG, these replies need to get shorter don’t they? Thanks for the input, yours,