… following a mention notification I started reading and continued to read this whole thing, and I think a couple of times I actually said, mother of god. I just had so many moments of

… because not sure if offended or funny. At times I felt like

… because I don’t always flirt but when I do I use the most obscure way possible — Medium’s private messaging, and then sure, I thought

… a man does not simply get away with friendliness in a patriarchic man’s world.

Part 1: the thanks

  • thank you for telling me I am Matthew Broderick level hot, compliment taken, my wife agrees with you, I am having a good day
  • thank you for appreciating my work here on Medium
  • thank you for reaching out
  • I was not flirting with you, I was being sloppy in private messaging people because I use private messages instead of short responses when all I want to say is a joke or kudos or a particular question.
  • I private message a lot of people, including SF Ali, so it looks like we’re competing on him, according to your meaning of Medium’s private messages, a couple of days ago afaik, and sometimes, especially in responses I do not check in my mind wether that author had any contact with me before, because I send a quick unfiltered snippet of my thoughts
  • This is not Facebook? I mean, poor explanation, but still … it should give one a hint

Part 3: the important part

See, Jules, there is you and there is your style. I love it, first person everything, powerful flow, incisive depictions of ideas where reality and imagination braid together.

But the problem is, this style is very, very impractical, when calling out people! Imagine the girls above playing beach volleyball in that situation; that level of impractical.

As one of the responses explained, you are a Tasmanian Devil with words, but this settling out requires a bit of cool. Not as in cool, you are cool girl, as in cool of the mind.

Because, you see, I am required to write this thing. You ended with an optional invite to public interaction, but it is not optional. This is the internet and things stick and have real life consequences. So, had you at the very least explained in one sentence exactly what is going on, maybe I could have moved ahead with whatever I was doing, but no.

Andrei — why are you leaving me private messages still, when you know I don’t like it? Didn’t we clear things up in this?


Am I overreacting here? Maybe. But I’m not the one private messaging when I’ve been asked not to.

Of course you are not overreacting. But just to clear things up, here goes the boring part which you made me do as a punishment:

  • I have a flurry of orphan posts because this block thing Medium implemented has people I follow respond to people who blocked them. I ask to understand what this is about.
  • I get a nice and polite reply with an introduction worded like this
  • in all seriousness, I am sorry that I did not keep that in mind, especially the second part
  • and then I make this mistake
  • a sad attempt for a joke based on a true fact.

That’s it. But I had to screenshot and annotate for freakin’ posterity because I felt some weird vibes reading this:

But listen, Ferris, you need to just be up-front and start interacting with me in public if you want to interact at all. I’m not good with private messaging people I don’t know, particularly guys,

and this

And some people take advantage of that. Some people, here on Medium, have taken advantage of that. A girl has to protect herself.

or this

So let’s say it out in the open, eh? Main takeaway? Safest for both of us to keep it public.

people skim the shit out of the things they read

A 22 and counting recommend story has quite some reach, how many of those people ever read something of mine? For how many people will I be:

a woman stalker, a weirdo, polluting their clean designed reading community with unsolicited flirty private messages

How many of the people you tagged (mentioned) know me? Those are people I admire too. Holly Wood banned me for less than being called out as a stalker sexting women on Medium.

And how about, ya know, da job! Internet stuff matters, a lot, a freaking whole lot. And undiscerning searches turn out a lot of things with no context attached, but a lot of strings attached.

Me personally, I think twice before I am too artistic for one’s own good because I know sometimes men and women got too little time to figure out exactly what is going on, without the facts.

So I had to. I had to screenshot my way to this point in the article, making an entrance for,

Part 4: to whom it may concern

Medium, particularly elizabeth tobey, you know, me, the one from my Medium for the reader personna thingie, anyway, if you have the time and the resources, see the whole thing with this response and clear up the following two features of the platform, as I am 100% sure Jules and I are not the only ones misunderstanding each other over software.

Private is not really private if the article is in a publication, because it is not meant as a real private one on one communication, such as Facebook Messenger is. But what is the recommended level of familiarity between two users for this feature to be just there? Maybe some kind of “I follow you, you follow me” rule would activate it? IDK.

Then, why is this the only option we have:

We have followers, people we follow, people we know from other platforms. Could this be more granular?

I am having doubts this above will have any effect on the functionality of Medium, but hey, one can dream and ask why the world is not like one dreams it.


It is OK to let the muse type in your place and hose away your personality upon your creation, but when you involve other people you might take a minute to consider this: the muse is from a world where judgement and labeling and bulling and opportunity cost, well all these Earthly garbage things, they don’t exist for the muse. The muse cares not about no one. Our muses care not, even when we die of exhaustion trying to catch up with them, enslaved in their domination. So, we need to make “OTHERS” our safe word, our way to make the muse hand over the keys which unlock us and let us ponder on wether we are doing collateral damage with the best of intentions.

We’ll stay friends and I take my lack of attention seriously, and will consider this weird response filled with justification as paid karma. Paid. With all due seriousness, sorry for any rage or fear caused, no intention whatsoever,


I write so you feel like you’ve just had an idea. It’s a nice feeling.

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